To ensure a true rustic Thanksgiving one of the additions to your table is a self shot, feathered and dressed turkey.
The first step to this can be a blessing in disguise. If you've married a redneck, chances are they only associate with redneck men and are of redneck breeding. When the relatives start arriving, friends and family being as they are, you can get rather overwhelmed. Cut the number in half by sending the men folk outside to bring home the main event and get themselves a good gobbler.
This serves to satisfy a huge need. Occupying the people you have over is a key step in preventing the predictable family fights that go along with any holiday dinner. The whole family has to work together in bringing home dinner and everyone is then thankful for the chance to eat it together.
Step one: To catch a Turkey...
This part can be rather tricky. If you've never caught a Turkey before, the easiest way is to catch them off guard. Just grab him by the legs and lift it off the ground holding it upside down by the legs. The turkey may flap around, but if you're careful, and have a good grip on the legs the it won't get away. The important thing to remember is not to let the it go, because its going to be really hard to catch it again now that its on its guard.
Step Two: To kill a Turkey....
There are two methods that I've seen to kill a Turkey. One is to simply lie it on a chopping block and cut off its head. This can be rather bloody, but its a sure way to be positive that it is dead.
The second method (and the one I'm going to discuss here) is to wring the it's neck. If this is done correctly it's a lot less messy.
So, take your turkey by the legs (you are still holding it right?). In your other hand pull down on the neck and then bend it upward very quickly. If you've done it correctly, then you will feel a snap, and the Turkey will reflexivly begin to flap its wings. At this point drop the Turkey and let it run around the yard until it's body finished dying.
If you've broken the neck, then the next step is to drain out some of the blood. Hang the Turkey upside down over a bucket. Then with a sharp knife reach into the mouth slightly down the throat and cut across cutting the jugular. Be very careful not to cut through the back of the neck.
Step Three: To Feather a Turkey...
This step can be quite time consuming, but it's quite simple. Hang the Turkey (preferably over something to catch the feathers). It's best to begin with the larger wing feathers, and simply pull in a downward motion. Take care not to try pulling in large clumps, if you try to pull too many at a time, then you risk tearing the skin. Be sure to get all the large feathers and as many of the small ones from the areas of the Turkey that you plan to eat.
After you've plucked as much as you can stand, singe off the remaining feathers. Simply hold the Turkey over an open flame.
Step Four: To Dress a Turkey...
This step is not for the weak of stomach, but it's not too different from dressing any other animal.
With a sharp knife, cut around the anus. Take care not to cut the intestines. Once you've cut all the way around the anus and freed the intestines from its connecting membranes move to the head.
At this point you'll need a heavy knife or a pair of clippers. Cut off the head at the base of the neck. Reach your hand into the body from the neck, and try to loosen as many of the internal organs as possible. Now simply remove the internals from the anus end. If necessary reach inside the chicken to be certain that you've removed all the insides.
Step Four: To Finish a Turkey...
To finish up cut off the feet, and pull out any remaining feathers. If you so desire, now is the time to skin the Turkey. Then wrap the Turkey and refrigerate it as soon as possible. REMEMBER, wash the Turkey thoroughly before preparing.
That's it... you have yourself a fresh Turkey. Now, stay tuned for the recipe.
A few tips...
Visiting children or new age hippies should not be anywhere near this part of the holiday fun. Be careful or you could end up having a Turkey funeral rather than a nice golden roasted bird.
Make sure the dog is penned. No matter what, when that animal smells the blood of the bird it's gonna go haywire. You don't want Thanksgiving dinner being tackled like a foot ball and running off to the back 40.
Keep a few of the large Turkey feathers. Boil the feathers and dry them between a few books. It makes a very interesting touch to photo albums.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Stuffed to the top with stuffing
Stuffing I find is the most important part of any holiday meal. Without stuffing what will you use as filler for your post holiday sandwich?? What other substance could you stuff in such large quantity into your small stomach?? That's right STUFFING!
Here is a recipe for some spice splendid stuffing.
The best thing about stuffing is that you have as many options as you would with salads.
What I like to do is take about a pound of spicy sausage that's out of the casing and fry it up. To go with a more rustic stuffing you might want to consider loose venison sausage. Keep it loose and light. The environment you'll be roasting this in will have enough grease, so be sure to get as much fat out as possible. Keep about a quarter cup of the fat and set aside.
Make a two cups of beef broth. Mix in your fat for some extra flavor. In a large bowl mix two medium bags of spiced bread cubes, the broth mixture and the sausage. The mixture should be squishy moist, but not soggy. If you need to add more hot water.
Chop up about 4 stalks of celery, two large green apples and a small white onion. Mix in the produce to the bread mixture. Also, add about half a cup of dried cranberries.
Now remove your turkey innards, save them, and rinse it out. This is important because the bird has been sitting for a while. Bacteria can build in only a few minutes. Pat dry and stuff that bird to the brim! Any extra stuffing put into a casserole dish and cook separate.
Here is a recipe for some spice splendid stuffing.
The best thing about stuffing is that you have as many options as you would with salads.
What I like to do is take about a pound of spicy sausage that's out of the casing and fry it up. To go with a more rustic stuffing you might want to consider loose venison sausage. Keep it loose and light. The environment you'll be roasting this in will have enough grease, so be sure to get as much fat out as possible. Keep about a quarter cup of the fat and set aside.
Make a two cups of beef broth. Mix in your fat for some extra flavor. In a large bowl mix two medium bags of spiced bread cubes, the broth mixture and the sausage. The mixture should be squishy moist, but not soggy. If you need to add more hot water.
Chop up about 4 stalks of celery, two large green apples and a small white onion. Mix in the produce to the bread mixture. Also, add about half a cup of dried cranberries.
Now remove your turkey innards, save them, and rinse it out. This is important because the bird has been sitting for a while. Bacteria can build in only a few minutes. Pat dry and stuff that bird to the brim! Any extra stuffing put into a casserole dish and cook separate.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Holiday Bar Ideas
I don't know why I like to start at the end of the evening and work my way back when it comes to making food and drink, but it's my blog so I'll do it!
You're man may grumble and groan about having to deal with all these holiday dinners right in the middle of the day, but after all the summer hillbilly'ing you've done, he can suck it up and deal!
I know a Martini may be intimidating, especially if the beer keg and wine bottle have been your go to for entertaining, but there is nothing to fear. It'll dress up you holiday party and have aunt Bertha trying to put her false teeth into the dog by the end of the night. All you have to remember is Martinis are COLD.
To keep the glass cold you should fill them with Ice and water. Let the glass sit while you mix the drink. To find bar tools and nice glasses for really reasonable prices go to the local dollar store. They usually have something that can get the job done.
Pumpkin Pie Martini:
Now it's almost impossible to find Pumpkin Schnapps anymore, so until it comes back on the market you can use Pumpkin Syrup or puree to sub.
What you need:
1/2 oz Sylk Cream Liqueur
2 oz vanilla vodka
1/2 oz pumpkin liqueur or pumpkin spice syrup
1 tsp whipped cream
cinnamon stick for garnish
~Pour the Sylk Liqueur and vodka into a shaker filled with ice.
~Shake well.
~Add the pumpkin liqueur or syrup.
~Shake again.
~Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.
~Top with a teaspoon of whipped cream.
~Garnish with a cinnamon stick.
Cranberry Cocktail
2 ounces vodka
1/2 ounce vermouth
1/2 ounce cranberry juice
whole cranberries
Same as above but add three cranberries for garnish.
Ginger Snap Martini
3 ounces of vodka
1 teaspoon of ginger syrup
1 small piece of freshly cut ginger
1 ounce of ginger ale
2 thinly sliced orange zests
~Add the vodka and ginger syrup to a glass shaker that is 1/2 full of cracked ice and let stand for about a minute.
~Rub the fresh ginger around the inside of 2 chilled martini glasses.
~Back to your shaker and shake, shake, shake.
~Strain your cocktail into the martini glasses and add 1/2 of the ginger ale to each glass.
~Each glass gets an orange zest.
Snowman Twinkle Martini
1 ounce Goldschlager Cinammon Schnapps
1/2 ounce of Bacardi 151 rum
2 teaspoons Kahlua coffee liqueur
shake shake shake chill and poor!
You're man may grumble and groan about having to deal with all these holiday dinners right in the middle of the day, but after all the summer hillbilly'ing you've done, he can suck it up and deal!
I know a Martini may be intimidating, especially if the beer keg and wine bottle have been your go to for entertaining, but there is nothing to fear. It'll dress up you holiday party and have aunt Bertha trying to put her false teeth into the dog by the end of the night. All you have to remember is Martinis are COLD.
To keep the glass cold you should fill them with Ice and water. Let the glass sit while you mix the drink. To find bar tools and nice glasses for really reasonable prices go to the local dollar store. They usually have something that can get the job done.
Pumpkin Pie Martini:
Now it's almost impossible to find Pumpkin Schnapps anymore, so until it comes back on the market you can use Pumpkin Syrup or puree to sub.
What you need:
1/2 oz Sylk Cream Liqueur
2 oz vanilla vodka
1/2 oz pumpkin liqueur or pumpkin spice syrup
1 tsp whipped cream
cinnamon stick for garnish
~Pour the Sylk Liqueur and vodka into a shaker filled with ice.
~Shake well.
~Add the pumpkin liqueur or syrup.
~Shake again.
~Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.
~Top with a teaspoon of whipped cream.
~Garnish with a cinnamon stick.
Cranberry Cocktail
2 ounces vodka
1/2 ounce vermouth
1/2 ounce cranberry juice
whole cranberries
Same as above but add three cranberries for garnish.
Ginger Snap Martini
3 ounces of vodka
1 teaspoon of ginger syrup
1 small piece of freshly cut ginger
1 ounce of ginger ale
2 thinly sliced orange zests
~Add the vodka and ginger syrup to a glass shaker that is 1/2 full of cracked ice and let stand for about a minute.
~Rub the fresh ginger around the inside of 2 chilled martini glasses.
~Back to your shaker and shake, shake, shake.
~Strain your cocktail into the martini glasses and add 1/2 of the ginger ale to each glass.
~Each glass gets an orange zest.
Snowman Twinkle Martini
1 ounce Goldschlager Cinammon Schnapps
1/2 ounce of Bacardi 151 rum
2 teaspoons Kahlua coffee liqueur
shake shake shake chill and poor!
How to squeeze pie from a pumpkin
You may wonder about how the originators of pumpkin pie...a must have for this time of year...got the ball rolling on the whole craze. Imagine going to the grocery store and not finding the canned mashed pumpkin!! No good. Here's how you make a pumpkin into pie filling.
First of all you need to find the right type of pumpkin. A Sugar, Pie or even Cheese pumpkin is the way to go. You should be able to find them in nearly any store. If you're in a pinch you can also substitute butternut squash or even a jack-o-lantern type pumpkin. You'll just need to adjust the sugar.
Look for a good 6" sizes pumpkin with no bruises or soft spots. Wash and half you pumpkin using a sharp serrated knife. Scoop out the innards so there is only flesh left inside the shell. Save those seed for either planting or roasting!!
Now you can either microwave or stove top cook the pumpkin. To microwave, cut the pumpkin down to smaller pieces, add with about 2 inches of water to the dish and set it on high for 15 minutes or until soft.
To cook stove top use either a steamer to cook the pieces about 15 minutes until soft.
Now let the pieces cool, if the pumpkin was steamed enough you should be able to remove the rind easily. Scoop out the pumpkin into a separate dish. Toss your skins in the compost heap.
Take the pumpkin chunks and puree them until they are silky smooth. Now you should have something roughly the same consistency of baby food. You can can fridge or freeze it until you need to use it. If the mixture is too watery run it through a cheese cloth over night.
Yield: 1 deep dish 9" pie or 2 shallow 8" pies.
More holiday meal ideas to come!!!
First of all you need to find the right type of pumpkin. A Sugar, Pie or even Cheese pumpkin is the way to go. You should be able to find them in nearly any store. If you're in a pinch you can also substitute butternut squash or even a jack-o-lantern type pumpkin. You'll just need to adjust the sugar.
Look for a good 6" sizes pumpkin with no bruises or soft spots. Wash and half you pumpkin using a sharp serrated knife. Scoop out the innards so there is only flesh left inside the shell. Save those seed for either planting or roasting!!
Now you can either microwave or stove top cook the pumpkin. To microwave, cut the pumpkin down to smaller pieces, add with about 2 inches of water to the dish and set it on high for 15 minutes or until soft.
To cook stove top use either a steamer to cook the pieces about 15 minutes until soft.
Now let the pieces cool, if the pumpkin was steamed enough you should be able to remove the rind easily. Scoop out the pumpkin into a separate dish. Toss your skins in the compost heap.
Take the pumpkin chunks and puree them until they are silky smooth. Now you should have something roughly the same consistency of baby food. You can can fridge or freeze it until you need to use it. If the mixture is too watery run it through a cheese cloth over night.
Yield: 1 deep dish 9" pie or 2 shallow 8" pies.
More holiday meal ideas to come!!!
Redneck Anneversery Meanings
Redneck Anniversary Meanings
1 Year ~ Red Meat Anniversary
Show your sweetheart that the only meat you’ll ever eat is his
2 Year ~ Moonshine Anniversary
Re-enact the drunken night that brought you to each other
3 Year ~ Diesel Fuel Anniversary
You sailed through the first two…keep on truckin down the line.
4 Year ~ Keg-orator Anniversary
Why should women get ALL the appliances when you get married?
5 Year ~ Fire Power Anniversary
You showed ‘em all! Congrats to you both go shoot ‘em up!
6 Year ~ Tattoo Anniversary
Love ain’t love till it’s on your ass forever
7 Year ~ Mullet Anniversary
Around 7 years you’ll be settlin’ down. Doesn’t mean the party still can’t rage!!
8 Year ~ Welfare Anniversary
So you have 4 kids under the age of 6 and haven’t had work in 6 months, you still have love
9 Year ~ COPS Cameo Anniversary
Domestic violence my ass, he just loves me!
10 Year ~ Steel Toe Anniversary
You kicked ass on your first 10 years. Keep up the good work with some new boots
25 Year ~ Trailer Park Anniversary
No more livin at Momma’s house, you’re on your own now
50 Year ~ Double Wide Anniversary
By this time you’re gonna wanna upgrade to a double wide anyway to make room for the kids probably haven’t moved out yet.
1 Year ~ Red Meat Anniversary
Show your sweetheart that the only meat you’ll ever eat is his
2 Year ~ Moonshine Anniversary
Re-enact the drunken night that brought you to each other
3 Year ~ Diesel Fuel Anniversary
You sailed through the first two…keep on truckin down the line.
4 Year ~ Keg-orator Anniversary
Why should women get ALL the appliances when you get married?
5 Year ~ Fire Power Anniversary
You showed ‘em all! Congrats to you both go shoot ‘em up!
6 Year ~ Tattoo Anniversary
Love ain’t love till it’s on your ass forever
7 Year ~ Mullet Anniversary
Around 7 years you’ll be settlin’ down. Doesn’t mean the party still can’t rage!!
8 Year ~ Welfare Anniversary
So you have 4 kids under the age of 6 and haven’t had work in 6 months, you still have love
9 Year ~ COPS Cameo Anniversary
Domestic violence my ass, he just loves me!
10 Year ~ Steel Toe Anniversary
You kicked ass on your first 10 years. Keep up the good work with some new boots
25 Year ~ Trailer Park Anniversary
No more livin at Momma’s house, you’re on your own now
50 Year ~ Double Wide Anniversary
By this time you’re gonna wanna upgrade to a double wide anyway to make room for the kids probably haven’t moved out yet.
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