We've all been there...hot day, good bonfire, poor timing...any way it happens you're still without a pot to piss in. Where God equipped men with a squirt gun, women have been given a watering can.
I remember being a little girl and seeing my dad and brother actually go outside to pee in the bushes. I asked my mom why they did that, momma would say they were marking their territory. Both of them would go out in any weather and 'kill the weeds' as they would say.
My tractor boy does just that. He doesn't care where when or who's around. Once we were on our way into my sister's house and he thought it would be OK to mark the neighbor's mailbox. Certain times when he does that it embarrasses me. Other times, when I have to unbutton my jeans cause I'm that close to having my bladder burst, I envy his ability to unzip and let go.
I mean really!!!! You can pee on an airplane, bus and in any restaurant for the price of small soda.
How is it you have ended up in this situation? Here are some tips to getting through this situation.
Find a secluded place to cop-a-squat. You don't want to commit to a location and suddenly hear voices or see headlights. Make sure the grass is not too tall to avoid an amorous tick. The ideal place will have level ground and something to lean against. Assume the possition, remember to pull your pants WAY out of the line of fire. Let it go!
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I understand EXACTLY!!!
ReplyDeletePoppin' A Squat
Us wimmens call it poppin’ a squat
It’s nothing really, it can be taught.
When you got to pee without a loo
There’s only one thing you can do.
First test the wind for its direction
If you need to turn, make the correction.
While doin’ this check for those who lurk
Don’t give ‘em a reason for they sure will smirk.
Undo your chinks and lower your pants
Check the ground, don’t think of ants.
Just know now your jeans a hobble
When you sink low now never bobble.
Check the ground for snakes that bite
Down low like that you no need for fright.
Watch for cactus, and make darn sure
Your horse don’t nose and make thoughts un-pure.
Turn it loose and make it fast
You don’t have time to make it last.
Get on up before your knees do crack
Your muscles twitch or cramp your back.
Paper’s good to have on hand
Of drippin’ dry I ain’t no fan.
Now git back on and in your spot
If your fast enough you won’t get caught.